Day 22

So we have been here at Akron Childrens for 22 days today. After being home yesterday, I'm really missing home. The everyday normal things I miss too. Mowing yard, loading the dishwasher, doing laundry, helping Tate with his homework and spelling words. I'm missing out and while I would have liked to take a vacation from those things before, this is so different. I know I sound selfish, but I had all these things that I wanted to do this summer. I was going to plant a garden, have a washline, a gigundus yard, among many other things! This is the last summer before I have all my boys in school. The twins go to kdgtn all day everyday, and I wanted to make this last summer special for them and Tate. I had so many plans and now they are shattered! I want to get mad, throw a major fit, cry, scream and get down on my knees and beg God for a do-over! If only that would work, but reality is my son is lying in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors and tubes!!! I am sad though when I think what could have been. I dont understand the reason for this happening to us, but I know someone who does! So I put my faith in Christ and let him lead us where he wants us to go!

When we first got here we were in survival mode and now with C doing better I want to hurry him along and go home. Burn patients are the last people that get hurried out of the hospital. Even after we go home, we will be making trips back here for therapy at least 5 days a week. There goes the summer of fun down the drain. I am sad for Tate and Kendall that they have to miss out on summer fun, because of therapy and everything we will be doing with C. (Im having myself a pity party.)

Tomorrow morning C gets another dressing change and hopefully will reveal more skin instead of these 'mummy' bandages. Doc wants to hopefully friday change out the cadaver skin with more cadaver, since the old isnt looking to good anymore. If you think of C throughout your day, please pray that his itching goes away and that he wouldnt have any more stomach pains. The stomach ouching on the outside is from the staples that is holding on the cadaver skin. His inside ouching we dont know whats from. It could be a number of things (meds, anxiety, worry) He does throw up occasionally still, but most of the time I think his inside pain comes from nerves. He worries when the nurses come in and if they have to stick him and when the therapists want to get him moving, he always says his belly hurts right away. Shoot I would be the same way if I were in his shoes and I dont blame him for not wanting to get poked again. He's been through enough already! He still is a trooper in my book though!

Sorry if this post sounds like my selfish side coming out, but as I said in the beginning I am honest and I wont hold anything back. These are my feelings and this is the way I deal with them is by writing. I have been keeping a journal since 2004, and it helps me to release my thoughts and emotions. The thing with this blog is that its public knowledge after I press 'post'. I hope I didnt sound to depressing and I hope you all have an awesome week!!!
Amy